It’s taken me a long time to learn this, some twenty-odd years or so, and I can now say I know how to avoid them and even beat them. Avoiding them is the hardest thing to do, of course, as all narcissists don’t reveal their real personality and traits until they have sucked you in, spun you around, and then spit you out and trample on you. When you realize how they truly are, it’s usually already too late, and you’re stuck in a highly unpleasant situation.
The next problem is, it’s hard to get out of their clutches once you are involved with one of them, and getting out will ALWAYS be an ugly fight. The reason for that? They don’t want you to go; they want to control you and keep you as their little lamb.
A narcissist will do all in their power to convince you they are good and right, and you need to listen to them because that’s the best and the only way forward for YOU and your LIFE! It’s called controlling! When they tell you all of this, they actually believe it; they are in the centre of the world, the sun king around whom everything revolves. If they can’t control you, they get even madder, more narcissistic, causing you amplified problems, pain, and then a whole bunch of nasty threats come your way.
Some Background Context.
I’m lucky to say that I currently live in Bali, an incredible paradise, no doubt. Bali is known as the “Island of the Gods” and to be a peaceful, harmonious island, where you will find yourself and find peace. However, for some bizarre reason, the last 1.5 years of living here have been a challenge for me as I ran into and entered into business relations with two of these ill people! These experiences didn’t exactly make my life peaceful and harmonious. In fact, the opposite happened.
The Narcissist Detection Program.
Over the past 15 years, I got trapped with five seriously heavy narcissists. Some situations I got out of relatively unscathed; others took their toll and left marks. But, the good news; we humans do learn from our mistakes (some sooner, some later) and can then (hopefully) come up with a shield to avoid such future encounters and draining episodes.
So, as I have quite a lot of experience in this field, I can write about this subject with some authority and “try” to help others not fall into the traps I did.
Right, let’s get to the “how to detect” part, as this one is a biggie:
- You meet this wonderful person who is full of positivity, energy, and inspiration. All seems incredible and just perfect! Bingo! That’s sign No 1! If all is so dandy, there’s a problem. You need to know that. The funny thing is, my father kept telling me this over many, many years, but did I listen? Noooo, course not. He always said, if it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t. Be CAREFUL!
- Now, you have to be smart and not an ass to yourself; doubt everything said and question all! Push buttons. What you have to do is disagree in conversation, even if it all sounds right to you. Go against the tide, and then see the response. Very quickly, you will see a confused look and disbelief on their face. Then yoyo back and forth, agree and not agree (even if you feel like agreeing). Soon frustration and rage will result! Boom bullshit detector activated!
- A “normal’ or “reasonable” person will listen to you and hear your case without getting mad. A narcissist won’t. They carry on pushing you in the corner and lecturing you. They can’t stop; they carry on lecturing and pushing you into the corner.
This is all easier said than done, no doubt, but it does work, and this method just recently saved my bacon from another narcissist who appeared to be an angel!
Getting Out Is Hard but Manageable.
Once you’re sucked in, you’re kind of screwed. Sorry, that’s the truth. But, getting out hard and fast is the key here. Business ties with money involved make this more challenging.
The only action plan is this; when you realize you’re stuck with this narcissist, you simply have to cut and run, no matter what. Then deal with whatever financial fallout that may cause later. Sticking around trying to “fix it” isn’t going to work, never. You cannot change or convince a narcissist that they may be wrong or doing things in a self-absorbed, destructive way. They simply will NOT listen, no way.
So, the solution is run, run as fast and as far away as you can. Clear your mind and start again, on another day. Get away from that person, any business dealings or other dealings you may have with them. Cut all ties and communication on social media and everywhere else and go into silence mode.
And Now in Summary.
Was that all too simple? You may be thinking, all well and good what you are writing here, Rob, but it isn’t that easy. Yes, it is that easy! It’s not easy to execute, but if you do, it’s that easy. How do I know? Because I fell for it so many times, fought every battle, and eventually lost. The only way I finally won was to walk away, protect my sanity, and start over with a clear mind.
Did I choose the title of this article to mislead? Yes. Because the truth is, there is no way to deal with narcissists. Now, however, I hope you know how to deal postively with narcissists. Walk away, and be Happy and FREE!
I wish all you good luck out there, as folks can be tricky and many are up to a lot of trickery to get what they want. Just be careful and analyze everyone you meet with absolute scrutiny.
Thanks for reading.